


Patience

by canidswain



Series: hlvrai fics inspired by my epic gamer bf [1]
Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, Enemies to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Telepathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:34:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24241402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canidswain/pseuds/canidswain
Summary: "bro. i told you to go back. you're not listening to me.""Last chance, I swear to god!" Gordon wasn't about to pussy out, but he really wasn't keen on finding out what would happen if he shot at an eldritch abomination."you never listen."Gordon finally realises why Benrey is such an asshole to him. Tommy helps.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Series: hlvrai fics inspired by my epic gamer bf [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1776652
Comments: 41
Kudos: 719
Collections: HLVRAI





	Patience

**Author's Note:**

> essentially a kind of sequel to my other hlvrai fic, but you dont gotta read it to understand this one. i was just thinking about the final battle and pumped this angsty thing out. forgive me for how benrey sounds, im not that good at him jshfemfns (not exagerrating the amount that he gets grammatically wrong, just my headcanon that his "telepathic english" gets much worse when emotional cause he struggles to remember to convert all his actual language to correct english)
> 
> ALSO SORRY FOR HOW LITTLE COOMER AND BUBBY ARE IN THIS FIC IM RLLY BAD AT JUGGLING CHARACTERS HSBFMSNF

Empty air hung beneath Gordon. He plummetted, landing on his feet with the HEV suit's assistance, and shakily remembered how to breathe.

It was just his luck that the portal chucked them out at least ten feet above the murky water that gathered in the grooves of the cave's floor. His suit protected him from any real damage, but the way his gut squeezed when he dropped straight through the air still hadn't left him.

"It's a good thing my PowerLegs braced for impact!" he distantly heard Dr. Coomer exclaim, but Gordon was pre-occupied. Kneeling in the deepest part of the pool - the very centre ditch - was Benrey, staring down at him with those eyes that made his head begin to hurt.

"oh." it said.

It looked in worse shape than ever - the half of its face that still looked well enough to be covered in skin was now split open diagonally, those bone-crushing looking teeth jutting out like shards of glass. It had more eyes in its head this time, even a pinprick of icefire hanging in its empty right socket. Its hands lacked skin entirely.

"What the fuck is this, huh?" Gordon called up, steadying his rabbit-quick heartrate. "Where _are_ we, you asshole? _What are you!_ "

"i told you to go back." it mumbled, the words appearing in Gordon's head rather than being spoken. He was never going to get used to that.

"Yeah, and we didn't! I want answers, Benrey, else I'm unloading this next round on you." To punctuate this, Gordon raised his gun barrel up towards the giant. There was a shift in Benrey's demeanor.

"bro. i told you to go back. you're not listening to me."

"Last chance, I swear to god!" Gordon wasn't about to pussy out, but he really wasn't keen on finding out what would happen if he shot at an eldritch abomination.

"you never listen."

Gordon shot. Anger immediately erupted in Benrey, and they all felt it. It was a shockwave, a searing heat through all their minds as he knocked the physicist off his feet with one swipe.

"Nice going, genius!" Bubby hollered, somewhere, but Gordon could only hear the ringing in his ears, feel the muddy water in his face and the pain and rage pressing against the corners of his mind.

It wasn't his. He could feel it - it wasn't his.

He registered Tommy pulling him to his feet, and he thanked him but shoved him off. He was fine.

Benrey was not. Their form was splitting open, tongues and eyes and teeth spilling out all over their skin. And it was talking, Gordon realised, chattering in the back of his skull in a million whispers. One began to rise above the rest.

"you're so dumb, you- you fuckin- IDIOT. big fucking, gordon feetman over here with his- gordon man with gun hand and no fucking passport, you know how hard? how- this so hard for me? dumb bitch, tiny little-"

It sounded like the usual Benrey-brand bullshit, except laced with more genuine malice. Gordon grimaced, wading through the voices in his head to signal the Science Team to attack. He raised his gun again.

"Wait, Mr. Freeman!"

Tommy again, at his side. The voice still murmured on - "don't understand ANYTHING, i trying- sucks for me! sucks for me because i'm trying and you're so fucking stupid that you- fucking feetman don't get it-" - but Freeman turned to his companion to see his understandably worried expression. Gordon was about to tell him it would be fine, they'd get through this, but Tommy cut right through him.

"Mr. Freeman, he's f-freaking out. This isn't good."

"Yeah, uh, I know, Tommy. That's why we're gonna fight him."

"No, Mr. Freeman, can't you- can't you tell?" There was a confused and yet determined glint in Tommy's intense gaze, and Freeman found himself shaking his head. "He's trying to tell you something! Not just us, b-but you!"

The voice raised in his mind again, reaching a pitch that sent a shocking pain through his cranium. "listen, is that so hard, dipshit? i can't- i can't work out how talk to you! i'm a try, i keep trying, you know how it feels? understand me, _understand, gordon-_ "

"What is he talking about?" forced out the scientist through the continual buzzing in his ears, "Tommy, what is he saying?"

Tommy was quiet for a moment, looking up to the melting being above them, and his lips formed a tight line. "Talk to him, Mr. Freeman. He just wants you to listen."

Blinking in disbelief, Gordon clamped a hand around his friend's shoulder, "You have got to be kidding me, man. He's an asshole, he's been nothing but an asshole, and he just threw me into a wall."

Firm, decided eyes met his. "They're different to us, Mr. Freeman."

Gordon trusted Tommy, he had always trusted Tommy.

Why shouldn't he trust him one more time?

He nodded, and Tommy smiled. The man looked tired.

Turning towards Benrey, Gordon didn't say anything. He began stepping forward, bit by bit, towards the mass of mouths and bone and far-off screaming, and finally, he listened.

"so hard, you don't GET IT! never get it, bro. what's your issue, you fucking dumb? you fucking-" Benrey's "head" was in its hands, blood pouring from its eyes. Every single one. It never seemed to reach the ground, though - the thick liquid would simply hang in the air and collect together above the gargantuan eldritch. For the first time, Gordon felt bad.

Gentle tunes echoed around Benrey, blue sweetvoice crowding around their form and pulsing softly. Spots of pink intermingled with the blue, singing quietly along. It was remarkably beautiful, Gordon realised.

"it's hard, fuck bro, how do you do this? humans are so- don't understand, wh. i been trying, so so so hard man, but is so confusing. always mean, how i try after that??? just want to like you, just _WANT YOU TO LIKE ME-_ "

A sudden blast of light and shrieking pain left Benrey, Gordon falling to his knees and clutching at his head. For a moment he forgot how to do anything else but scream and hold his temples. Benrey still continued on.

"i tried so hard, wanted to be good. wanted you to like me, why can't you like me. but you wanted me to bad, huh? i gonna be bad, tha's what you want, friend?"

Slowly, Gordon regained feeling in his body, and craned his head up to witness the unholy sight. His throat found itself hoarse as he shouted up to it - "Benrey, I'm- I'm listening! What are you talking about?"

"you're _NOT._ " Another wave of agony, he heard someone scream behind him. "i been trying make you listen all this time, why now, huh? been trying to make you like me."

"Why do you want me to like you, Benrey?" Gordon's voice was desperate, the pain stabbing behind his eyes.

That seemed to anger the eldritch more, or upset it, or something, because it wailed and the bloody puddle above it finally lost its mass and splashed down onto the poor fuckers below. "why don't you understand, bro? what's your problem-"

"I'm trying to understand, man! Just talk to me!" Skin sticky with blood, but Gordon also felt real wetness beginning to collect in his eyes. Why was he crying.

"i been talking all this time, feetman! talking, talking, you never listen! not once! just want to be friends, just want to be- be-"

"Be _what, Benrey?_ "

It crumpled to the ground, face-down in the mud. And Gordon finally understood.

_They're different to us._

All the bickering, the insults, the jabs and the sweetvoice. Benrey was alien. Benrey didn't know how to express themself. Benrey acted like a crushing middle-schooler.

Gordon remembered all the moments he'd taken offense to, all the comments. He realised half of them hadn't even been rude. Half of them had been quiet, uncertain attempts at amicability. All of them he'd fired insults back at.

And he also remembered the small moments. Where Benrey would actually make him laugh, and there was some kind of genuine wonder in their eyes, and they'd sing out sweetvoice to hide it. Moments when Gordon had been awake on just adrenaline while the others slept, and Benrey had talked to him until he fell asleep. Not anything meaningful, just their usual back and forth. But it had helped him.

He realised that Benrey liked him. And they didn't know how humans expressed and recieved that affection. _They're different to us, Mr. Freeman._

Throwing a glance back, Gordon caught sight of Tommy. There was a knowing look in his eyes.

"Benrey… Benrey."

"no, man…" it was a mumble more than anything, but it sounded truly and utterly despairing.

"I've been… a dick, man. You were, uh, trying to talk to me in a way you weren't used to, and- and I didn't help you." He was stepping closer, he realised. Stepping closer to the sobbing, bleeding form slumped in the water.

"huh? ...wh?"

"I understand now. I'm- I'm telling you. I'm listening, and I get you. And I'm sorry."

It still stopped his heart when the face propped itself up on its chin, dragging eyes and hair where they were buried in the water. Suddenly, all the eyes were staring at him again, and he was shaking, but he kept going.

"you… huh?"

Taking a shallow breath, the physicist closed the distance between them. He leant himself against Benrey's clammy, blood-encrusted cheek, spreading his arms wide and pressing his forehead to the skin there. His mind went very suddenly and chillingly quiet.

Gently, softly, Gordon kissed Benrey's cheek.

Silence, for a moment, then he heard lilting, cracking sweetvoice. Benrey's face started to shrink in front of him, mouths and eyes sealing away and disappearing.

Several seconds later, Benrey-sized Benrey was fidgeting there in front of him. Gordon didn't know what to do. But he didn't object when Benrey hugged him, burying its face in his neck, and squeezed the life out of him. He just held on, listened intently to their mumbles and sniffling apologies, began stroking their hair and shushing them. Appreciated the sweetvoice sung between them. Told them it was okay, apologised again for his oblivious nature.

Learned to be patient.


End file.
